Peccatoris

Have you ever been addicted?

I’m not talking about Doritos or a TV show

I mean, have you ever really been addicted?

Recently I sat in on a couple talks concerning addiction

One on Methadone and one on obesity

Did you know a people’s body and mind changes from addiction?

Isn’t sin addicting?  It’s so difficult to break out of

We develop patterns in our life

And we try to change, but we come back

I’m tempted to end this with a happy ending

Something like “you can do all things through Christ….”

But part of the dirty truth is that most don’t break out

Tonight I don’t want to end this on a happy note

I feel as though it would be an injustice

An injustice to those who are trapped

This is my second year being a therapist

I’ve started meeting people where life is really ugly and dark

We are all so broken

Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me, the sinner 

What of my madness?

Poor soul now realizing.

She's lived false dreams

And special        things

What a farce,   a      tragedy! 

Now,
what of angels   ?
                                                   And transcendent words? 

They aren’t real.

But they are real to her. 

Uncertainty possesses her.An unpredictable mind.In a moment the fantastic besets her.Unable to know  

Fran   ticall  y.disorganized...mem.....ories

Dis org an ized th ou ghts

And--bizarre--manner, (however)

By what standard do I measure? 

So medication SUSTAINS her 

And others CONSTRUCT her. 

But I COMPARE her to my STANDARD

My standard of sanity and reality

How different am I? 

I am but a slight.   shade.    of gray.        away   

At times my mind is not      sane
 

Lord, how do you view my madness?

Found restless?

Earlier today I was enjoying the beautiful spring sun on a cafe patio wondering about Augustine's words -- "Our hearts were made for You, O Lord, and they are restless until they rest in you."

A part of me said, "But Lord, do I not take joy in the work of my hands, and does not a man find rest in the embrace of his beloved?" But I was really asking, "But why have you given us this world and for what in this world do you wish me to pour myself?"

For a second Augustine's words seemed contrived and overly abstract.  Rest? Rest in what? So I went to his Confessions and sought an answer.  With his words he painted a picture of the mystery that is God, and the goodness he encompasses, and the expanse to which he is limited and unlimited, and I was overwhelmed by His presence.

I was taken by his description of God imbuing us saying, "or are we the vessels which you fill do not confine you, since even if they were broken, you would not be poured out.  And, when you are poured out on us, you are not thereby brought down; rather, we are lifted"

Then my questions were answered by the final words of the first book.  "But herein lay my sin, that it was not in him, but in his creatures--myself and the rest--that I sought for pleasures, honors, and truths. And I fell thereby into sorrows, troubles, and errors. Thanks be to thee, my joy, my pride, my confidence, my God--thanks be to thee for thy gifts; but do thou preserve them in me. For thus wilt thou preserve me; and those things which thou hast given me shall be developed and perfected, and I myself shall be with thee, for from thee is my being."